


Bowie Knows I'm Lonely.

by amanda_jolene



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: AU, F/M, Gen, Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amanda_jolene/pseuds/amanda_jolene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Rinn break up in season 2 (au)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bowie Knows I'm Lonely.

He couldn’t listen to Bowie and he couldn’t drink vodka and he just needed time to think. 

_I can’t be your friend right now_ was an incomplete sentence on his tongue but his pride wouldn’t let him work out the rest. He didn’t want to be her friend because right now he just couldn’t. He couldn’t smile and pretend he hadn’t sampled a galaxy on her tongue, the universe on her lips. He couldn’t pretend that his heart hadn’t pounded and and his cool facade had almost slipped down with his hand past the elastic of her panties. 

He also couldn’t pretend he knew her anymore. He though he had a handle on her- cool, breezy Rae who popped E and kissed Archie and stole his 20 p. But she didn’t exist. That Rae was a sign, sparkly and bright around the edges with flashing lights and a bravada that kept anyone from reading the fine print. But Finn had gotten too close, stared too long and just made out the words **Bridge Out, Danger Ahead** before she snapped a spotlight on in his face, blinding him until he couldn’t see anything, especially not a way to help her. 

What was she doing behind those locked doors of her heart? Repairs? Or was she just going to let the mess stay, keep her hand up to block anyone who dared get too close? 

He couldn’t sleep. 

She wasn’t at school and Chloe said she got herself kicked out and then no one sees her for a week, then two except for Chop who has stopped talking directly to Archie. 

"She’s alright?" Finn tries to sound casual, tries to make it seem like he doesn’t care because he doesn’t. Not really. Maybe he does. He’s not sure. 

"It matter?" Chop asks, his tone mocking. 

Finn shrugs because maybe it doesn’t matter. It was her decision to end what they had and his decision to make it permanent (and with good reason though he can’t recall what those reasons are except that his heart was hurting) but by his third drink he decides it does fucking matter because regardless of his pride’s warning, he does care. 

He asks again and Chop, who is rarely serious, studies Finn so deeply that he can feel the layers of his skin start to peel back. 

"She’s a mess." 

Finn knew that. He had seen the sign for god’s sake, had felt the burn of her good-bye on his skin and he himself had left her standing there to cry because she had done the same to him and he wanted, if just for a second, to be in control. 

"She broke up with me." He blurts when Chop is still staring at him. 

Chop shakes his head. “It’s not all about that!” 

"I know it’s not but she won’t fucking let me in!" 

"She doesn’t let anyone in, Finn! She just needs some time to work things out in her own fucking head and some solid friends to support her. None of this tit for tat shit or hidden agenda crap," he says the last part loudly and gives Archie such a fierce look that the other boy visibly shrinks in his seat. "She needs someone to be there for Ra. Just Rae. Nothing else." 

It’s a lot to take in and Finn takes 2 days to digest it all. What would it mean to be there just for Rae? Could he do that? Who the fuck was she anyway? He thought he had caught glimpses of her but now he wasn’t so sure what was real and what was her flashing sign, her distraction. 

It takes him another day to decide what to do. 

She doesn’t look a mess when she opens the door and he tells his heart to quiet down, that this wasn’t the time for that stupid fucking love song. 

"Hi." 

She doesn’t meet his eye. “Hi.” 

"I just… I’m not sure what I’m doing or exactly what…" he rubs the back of his neck nervously. "Rae, I don’t know you." 

There are already tears in the corners of her eyes. “Well, thank you for dropping by to tell me that.” She moves to shut the door but he catches it. 

"But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get to know you! I do want to be your friend, Rae. I want to be whatever you need! I want… I just want you to trust me enough to let me in when you need someone. You don’t always have to leave the door open… just… when you need some company." 

He feels like an idiot when she looks away. Right. How pathetic was he? She threw him away once and here he is on her front steps like a damn kicked dog, eager for the next blow from his master’s foot. There’s no easy way to bow out of this so he shakes his head and turns to leave. 

He’s putting on his helmet when her voice reaches his ears, soft and unsure. “I have… had… a friend. Her name was Tix.” 

When he turns around, she’s got the door opened a bit wider. “Want to come in for a bit?”


End file.
